Is your spouse having an emotional affair? You can read more about emotional affairs in that article, this article will focus on the warning signs that you might observe from a husband or wife having who is emotionally cheating.
Most people, the cheaters especially, do not consider emotional affairs as real affairs, because there nothing sexual going on. In reality, most of these emotional affairs will turn into physical “real” affairs. It may even be the cause of your breakup because in physical affairs, sex is the only goal of the cheater; in emotional affairs, both their physical and emotional needs are met by their new lovers.
Emotional Affair Signs
Spouse is distant
One of the first things you may observe from a cheating spouse having an emotional affair is that they feel or seem distant. They act aloof, don’t look forward to seeing you, or just basically stop caring about anything that happens involving both of you. The closest feeling you get is the one you feel right after a fight, when they give you the could shoulder; but not severe enough to warrant a confrontation about why they are so cold towards you. A cause of an emotionally distant spouse could be having trouble deciding whether or not they want to stay in their current relationship.
Lack of emotional or physical intimacy
Another sign of emotional cheating. When your spouse loses the need for you, either physically or emotionally, that could mean someone else has stepped up to fulfill their needs. This may also be a sign of physical infidelity, especially if coupled with out of town trips, or late night over time excuses. When you notice lack of intimacy in your relationship, you need to act immediately or risk losing the bond you and your spouse have. Even if you do not suspect them of having an emotional affair, lack of intimacy is the cause of “falling out of love” that we hear about so often in the media (and for most women, that’s Oprah).
Overly suspicious about YOU cheating
If there’s one thing cheaters are great at, it’s misdirection, and this is one of the most common ways cheaters divert your suspicions away from things that could get their affairs caught. I’m sure everyone has experienced this in their lives, when someone who is guilty of something suddenly accuses you of doing what they are guilty off. Cheaters are hypocrites, I’m sure you know that if you’ve ever had to deal with one. My ex-wife once told me that if I kept coming home late, she’ll install a GPS tracker on my car. She actually did, and I let her, because I had nothing to fear.
Defensive about everything
Whether or not you know of their affairs, asking them a simple question like “Where were you last night? I didn’t catch you going in” will drive them to be completely defensive. This overly defensive manner they put up when they answer you is caused by the guilt; something that is common with cheating spouses who have just started an affair – be it emotional or physical. Like being overly suspicious, overly defensive cheaters will become irritated, and play the victim card for the sole purpose of misdirection.
Having a secret friend of the opposite sex
Doesn’t matter if it’s online, or “in real life”, having a secret friend is a sign of an emotional affair, or an emotional affair waiting to happen. I don’t know why most people say “in real life” when differentiating something online, and something on the computer; it’s still both in real life, it’s just a different form of communication. As far as I’m concerned, emotionally cheating on the computer is the same thing as having an emotional affair with a workmate. There’s no reason to keep a friend secret from your spouse unless you have something to hide. If you find out about your spouse keeping someone from you, do a little more snooping and check to see what their relationship is like. If they treat each other in a way normal friends do, it’s fine; if you find out they are close and share intimate details they would normally be reserved for their spouses, there might be an emotional affair brewing on the horizon.
Arguing more than usual
It’s healthy to argue once in a while, we’re humans, we don’t agree with each other every time. But if you notice that you are fighting and arguing a lot more over unimportant things, or menial tasks, you might be dealing with an emotional affair. This is another way for liars to misdirect your attention; it could be to get some alone time in another room while they call or chat with the person they are having an emotional affair with, or they could be looking for an easy way to storm out of the house without you suspecting anything.
Remember when you use to have a crush on someone when you were younger? You’ll light up just because they are in the same room with you, or because you got to talk to them. You can notice this too with your spouse, if they come home and head straight for the computer to chat, or they are overly happy when they get a phone call, they might be talking to their new “love interest”. Just like when you first started going out with your spouse, they are excited whenever they are about to meet or talk to the other person. This is also what happens to people who have the “7 year itch”, but emotionally not physically.
Since we were children, we were always taught by our parents that if you do something wrong, you are going to get punished for your actions. I guess for some people, those who don’t consider emotional affairs as “just talking”, they aren’t doing anything wrong. They continue to justify their actions in their own mind as being harmless, which makes it a lot more difficult to catch an emotionally cheating spouse; spouses involved in a physical affair are more guilty, more defensive, and leave a lot more clues. Some people even consider this a game, thinking they aren’t hurting anyone, and “what they won’t know won’t hurt them”.
If you caught your spouse in an emotional affair, explain to them how it IS harmful, and it IS something that is destructive to your relationship. If they refuse to stop, and repeatedly cheat on you emotionally, marriage counseling might be necessary.