Signs Of An Emotional Affair

Is your spouse having an emotional affair? You can read more about emotional affairs in that article, this article will focus on the warning signs that you might observe from a husband or wife having who is emotionally cheating.

Most people, the cheaters especially, do not consider emotional affairs as real affairs, because there nothing sexual going on. In reality, most of these emotional affairs will turn into physical “real” affairs. It may even be the cause of your breakup because in physical affairs, sex is the only goal of the cheater; in emotional affairs, both their physical and emotional needs are met by their new lovers.

Emotional Affair Signs

Spouse is distant

One of the first things you may observe from a cheating spouse having an emotional affair is that they feel or seem distant. They act aloof, don’t look forward to seeing you, or just basically stop caring about anything that happens involving both of you. The closest feeling you get is the one you feel right after a fight, when they give you the could shoulder; but not severe enough to warrant a confrontation about why they are so cold towards you. A cause of an emotionally distant spouse could be having trouble deciding whether or not they want to stay in their current relationship.

Lack of emotional or physical intimacy

Another sign of emotional cheating. When your spouse loses the need for you, either physically or emotionally, that could mean someone else has stepped up to fulfill their needs. This may also be a sign of physical infidelity, especially if coupled with out of town trips, or late night over time excuses. When you notice lack of intimacy in your relationship, you need to act immediately or risk losing the bond you and your spouse have. Even if you do not suspect them of having an emotional affair, lack of intimacy is the cause of “falling out of love” that we hear about so often in the media (and for most women, that’s Oprah).

Overly suspicious about YOU cheating

If there’s one thing cheaters are great at, it’s misdirection, and this is one of the most common ways cheaters divert your suspicions away from things that could get their affairs caught. I’m sure everyone has experienced this in their lives, when someone who is guilty of something suddenly accuses you of doing what they are guilty off. Cheaters are hypocrites, I’m sure you know that if you’ve ever had to deal with one. My ex-wife once told me that if I kept coming home late, she’ll install a GPS tracker on my car. She actually did, and I let her, because I had nothing to fear.

Defensive about everything

Whether or not you know of their affairs, asking them a simple question like “Where were you last night? I didn’t catch you going in” will drive them to be completely defensive. This overly defensive manner they put up when they answer you is caused by the guilt; something that is common with cheating spouses who have just started an affair – be it emotional or physical. Like being overly suspicious, overly defensive cheaters will become irritated, and play the victim card for the sole purpose of misdirection.

Having a secret friend of the opposite sex

Doesn’t matter if it’s online, or “in real life”, having a secret friend is a sign of an emotional affair, or an emotional affair waiting to happen. I don’t know why most people say “in real life” when differentiating something online, and something on the computer; it’s still both in real life, it’s just a different form of communication. As far as I’m concerned, emotionally cheating on the computer is the same thing as having an emotional affair with a workmate. There’s no reason to keep a friend secret from your spouse unless you have something to hide.¬† If you find out about your spouse keeping someone from you, do a little more snooping and check to see what their relationship is like. If they treat each other in a way normal friends do, it’s fine; if you find out they are close and share intimate details they would normally be reserved for their spouses, there might be an emotional affair brewing on the horizon.

Arguing more than usual

It’s healthy to argue once in a while, we’re humans, we don’t agree with each other every time. But if you notice that you are fighting and arguing a lot more over unimportant things, or menial tasks, you might be dealing with an emotional affair. This is another way for liars to misdirect your attention; it could be to get some alone time in another room while they call or chat with the person they are having an emotional affair with, or they could be looking for an easy way to storm out of the house without you suspecting anything.

Schoolboy/Schoolgirl crush

Remember when you use to have a crush on someone when you were younger? You’ll light up just because they are in the same room with you, or because you got to talk to them. You can notice this too with your spouse, if they come home and head straight for the computer to chat, or they are overly happy when they get a phone call, they might be talking to their new “love interest”. Just like when you first started going out with your spouse, they are excited whenever they are about to meet or talk to the other person. This is also what happens to people who have the “7 year itch”, but emotionally not physically.

 

Since we were children, we were always taught by our parents that if you do something wrong, you are going to get punished for your actions. I guess for some people, those who don’t consider emotional affairs as “just talking”, they aren’t doing anything wrong. They continue to justify their actions in their own mind as being harmless, which makes it a lot more difficult to catch an emotionally cheating spouse; spouses involved in a physical affair are more guilty, more defensive, and leave a lot more clues. Some people even consider this a game, thinking they aren’t hurting anyone, and “what they won’t know won’t hurt them”.

If you caught your spouse in an emotional affair, explain to them how it IS harmful, and it IS something that is destructive to your relationship. If they refuse to stop, and repeatedly cheat on you emotionally, marriage counseling might be necessary.

Emotional Affairs

What are emotional affairs?

Emotional affairs are relationships formed by individuals who are already in a monogamous relationship (married or long term relationship), but start or maintain another relationship that involves emotional intimacy with a different partner. These new relationships could start out merely as plain friendship, but slowly end up turning into emotional affairs. A relationship can be considered an emotional affair when the details of your conversation are too intimate that it would normally be only appropriate to talk about it with your significant other.

According to Dr. Shirley P. Glass, an infidelity expert, psychologist, and a licensed family and marriage therapist, women are more prone to have emotional affairs than men, and men are more prone to the regular physical affair, where emotions are not the main root cause of infidelity. In a study done by Dr. Glass, she notes that the women who have had extramarital emotional affairs were more unsatisfied with their marriage compared to their male counterparts, and both sexes who have had sexual affairs were both equally more unsatisfied than those who have just had emotional affairs.

It is also noted in Dr. Glass’ book, “Not Just Friends”,¬† that 57% of wives and 44% of husbands that had affairs said they had strong emotional intimacy with their new partners, but withheld any physical intimacy. This emotional affair statistic maybe misleading because people who take surveys are not always honest with themselves, or with the interviewer. The fact is that if an emotional affair goes on for long enough, eventually the two people in that affair will become so comfortable the relationship may transcend into the realm of physical intimacy.

The leap from being comfortable talking about intimate details to meeting each other and talking about it in real life may take awhile. But the point of meeting each other to having your first kiss, could just be around the corner, and from then on, everything speeds up leading to more physical intimacy. The truth is, people think that talking about intimate details with someone other than your spouse is not a threat. Most people think having regular interactions on the internet with a person of the opposite sex is not going to affect your real life relationship because “we’re just talking. Trust me, once you get comfortable enough, you will want to meet this person in real life. Those having emotional affairs with people they already know in real life, that is even more dangerous because you have constant contact with that person. This is how my ex-wife and I broke up, she was developing a relationship(secretly) with another man she met in an online forum. They eventually met up in real life and I did not even find out about that until several months after I found out that they were chatting on line.

 

Emotional Affair Statistics.

What bother men and women more, emotional or physical infidelity?

emotional affair

Women are more prone to emotional affairs than men.

In a study done by Dr. Christine R. Harris, statistics show that out of 137 subjects(55 male, 87 female) most of them put more weight on emotional infidelity rather than physical infidelity. Out of 87 females, 12% said they care more about physical infidelity, and 88% said they care more about emotional infidelity. Out of 55 males, 47% said they care more about physical infidelity, 53% said they care more about emotional infidelity.

The statistics provided by Dr. Harris’ research seem to make it clear that men are equally bothered by both, and women are far more bothered by emotional infidelity. Now you know why your wife seems to be “overly” jealous when you flirt, or react positively to a women who flirts with you.

 

What is considered emotional cheating?

Deception

You may have experienced this yourself, telling your partner you are doing one thing, but really you are spending time with someone of the opposite sex. This is a form of emotional cheating, twist it however way you want to, it still is emotional cheating. There is no reason for you to ever lie to your spouse about who you are with and what you are doing unless it’s something you know they will disagree with. If you are deceiving your spouse, you are cheating on them emotionally. Sure once or twice it may not feel wrong, but it is. Continue on doing that and you will be on your way to a disastrous marriage. Pray your spouse never tries to track your actions or spy on you, because your stories will be full of holes.

Betraying marriage values

Another way to emotionally cheat on your spouse. Telling someone of the opposite sex about intimate details of your relationship is considered emotional cheating. If you can not talk about something with your everyday regular friends, you should not talk about it with anyone else other than your spouse. Talking about how terrible and miserable you are in a relationship with someone who isn’t your wife or husband is a major form of betrayal.

Devoting extra time to the other person

When you get home from work or whenever you have extra time, you choose to spend this on the internet chatting with your new friend instead of doing what your spouse wants to do, this is another form of emotional cheating. You are putting the needs of this other person before the needs of the person you are married to at the same time lying to them about who you are talking with online. Texting and having phone conversations with a person of the opposite sex also is the same thing, emotional cheating.

Secret Friends

Do you have a friend that your spouse does not know exists? Is this friend of the opposite sex? This “secret friendship” could blossom into an emotional affair if you continue to let it grow, without your spouse’s knowledge. You’ll know when it’s getting “serious” when you start sharing intimate details of your relationship with your spouse to this new person. It may start simply by you talking about your day, and tell them things you left out when you were talking to your spouse. You may even try to justify it as “at least he/she won’t judge me” or “my husband/wife doesn’t care about it”, or it could be that you are subconsciously wanting to make your relationship with your new partner stronger by having conversations that only you two share.

When you can tell, or feel like you can tell anything to that one specific person, but you can’t or don’t want to talk about it with your spouse is a form of wanting their emotional intimacy over your own spouse’s.

To read more signs of an emotional affairs, do a search on the blog or follow this link to “Signs of an emotional affair”.