My suggestion to those who are in the infidelity club :
1. Contact your family even if youve had fights with them
I would suggest talking to a friend or posting your situation here instead of forcing yourself to talk to people you don’t want to. Some people have such toxic relationships that this may cause more stress. They might rub it in, like what you said, and that’s the last thing you want, another person hurting you emotionally.
2. Find someone (preferably of the opposite sex as you) to talk about your problems with. This was a huge thing for me. Talking to guys about my feelings did not help, i just got called a p***** and “man up man, you’ll find another girl”. That may work for you, but if you are more sensitive than the average guy, you should find a woman to listen to your problems. Not sure how comfortable women are speaking with other women, but I think a guy would be able to help make you feel better as a woman did for me.
This worked for me as well. Mike was very comforting and I felt safe with him whenever we were together.
3. Throw away all the things that remind you of your ex spouse. I got rid of the couch, bed, all her things, and even the expensive watch she gave me for our anniversary that she saved up for. If there was a delete button in life you should put all her things in the recycle bin and delete!
4. Do not be ashamed to see a shrink. i can honestly say he, and his prescriptions, helped me a lot. Depression only gets worse the longer you leave it untreated. I believe depression is just like a virus or sickness, you have to treat it.
5. Posting on forums help. I am a member of probably 4 infidelity forums (this one included). None of them have been short of being fantastic. As a token of my gratitude I will try and drop by all 4 forums and offer the same help that I once needed. Its like we are all in a club together, the infidelity club. A club we never wanted to be part of, but are now because of selfish people. I would like to be part of the solution, like everyone else who has shared their insights with me on what I should do.
I would caution you to not join forums where there are no moderators, or basically a free for all. Simple flaming or other people trying to bring you down (because they themselves are miserable/are cheaters) might make you spiral down into depression a lot more since you are in a state of emotional trauma (when trying to survive infidelity).
6. Never pray or hope your spouse comes to their senses. It’s a useless time waster. Do, not hope.
Praying for some works. Religious people find strength in themselves when they pray, so it’s not all that useless to people who pray for themselves. I myself am not religious, but I can respect someone who finds strength through religion.
Admin : Please don’t curse, Anti. Lets try and keep it civil. Edited out some words :)
Thanks for sharing Ant, my replies are in green.
The more people we get to share, the greater this resource becomes for those who have been cheated on. That’s our goal, build a community that supports itself.